Mental health jokes

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How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?
None, he's still clinging to the old lightbulb.

Rating: 3.8 |

How many Histrionic P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?
"You want me to change the lightbulb? I could burn my hand! I could be
electrocuted! I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life! You
don't love me anymore!"

Rating: 3.4 |

Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.

One turned to the other and said, "Hello."

The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."

Rating: 1.4 |

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

Rating: 2.8 |

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.

Rating: 3.2 |

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